2012年12月30日 星期日

"They'll try to tell you Kanye's so crazy, so deranged. I'm not crazy, I'm just not satisfied. I'm just not satisfied with the shit they're feeding you on TV, the shit they're feeding you in the movies,the shit they're giving you in the stores. I want you to have more. I'm just not satisfied."

"Anything I've ever told you was from my heart. Even the times people turned their back on me it was from my heart. Even when people used to say 'Die Nigga Die' on Twitter it was still from my heart. Even when they dropped my fucking tour with Gaga that shit was still from my heart. And I'll die for what's in my heart."

2012年12月21日 星期五

John Berger - A man with tousled hair

During that winter walking around the centre of Paris I couldn't stop thinking about a portrait. It's of an unknown man and was painted some time in the early 20s of the nineteenth century. The portrait was the image on the posters, at every street corner, announcing a large Gericault exhibition at the Grand Palais.

The painting in question was discovered in an attic in Germany, along with four other similar canvases, forty years after Gericault's early death. Soon afterwards it was offered to the Louvre who refused it. Imagined in the context of the denunciation and drama of the Raft of the Medusa, which had alrewould at theaady been hanging in the museum for forty years, the offered portrait would at that time have had a nondescript air. Yet now it has been chosen to represent the same painter's entire oeuvre. What changed? Why has this portrait become today so eloquent, or, more precisely, so haunting?

Behind everything that Gericault imagined and painted - from his wild horses to the beggars he recorded in London - one senses the same vow: Let me face the affliction, let me discover respect and, if possible, find a beauty! Naturally the beauty he hoped to find meant turning his back on most official pieties.

He had much in common with Pasolini:
I force myself to understand everything, 
ignorant as I am of any life that isn't 
mine, till, desperate in my nostalgia, 


I realise the full experience 

of another life; I'm all compassion, 
but I wish the road of my love for 


this reality would be different, that I 

then would love individuals, one by one. 


The portrait on the poster was once entitled The Mad Murderer, later, The Kleptomaniac. Today it is catalogued as The Monomaniac of Stealing. Nobody any longer knows the man's proper name.


The sitter was an inmate of the asylum of La Salpetriere in the centre of Paris. Gericault painted there ten portraits of people certified as insane. Five of these canvases survived. Among them is another unforgettable one of a woman. In the museum of Lyon, it was originally entitled The Hyena of Salpetriere. Today she is known as The Monomaniac of Envy.


Exactly why Gericault painted these patients we can only guess. Yet the way he painted them makes it clear that the last thing he was concerned with was the clinical label. His very brush marks indicate he knew and thought of them by their names. The names of their souls. The names which are no longer known.


A day or two earlier, Goya had painted scenes of incarcerated mad people, chained and naked. For Goya, however, it was their acts that counted, not their interiority. Before Gericault painted his sitters in LaSalpetriere perhaps nobody, neither painter, nor doctor, nor kith, nor kin, had ever looked for so long and so hard into the face of someone categorized and condemned as mad.

In 1942 Simone Weil wrote: 'Love for our neighbour, being made of creative attention, is analogous to genius.' When she wrote this she was certainly not thinking about art.

The love of our neighbour in all its fullness simply means being able to say to him: 'What are you going through? It is a recognition that the sufferers exists, not only as a unit in a collection, or a specimen from the social category labelled 'unfortunate', but as a man, exactly like we are, who was one day stamped with a special mark of affliction. For this reason it is enough, but it is indispensable to know how to look at him in a certain way.

For me, Gericault portrait of the man with tousled hair and disarranged collar and with eyes which no guardian angel protects, demonstrates the 'creative attention' and contains the 'genius' to which Simone Weil refers.

Yet why was this painting so haunting in the streets of Paris? It pinched us between two fingers. I will try to explain the first finger.

There are many forms of madness which start as theatre. ( As Shakespeare, Pirandello and Artaud knew so well.) Folly tests its strength in rehearsals. Anyone who has been beside a friend beginning to fall into madness will recognise this sense of being forced to become an audience. What one sees at first on the stage is a man or a woman, alone, and beside them - like a phantom - the inadequacy of all given explanation to explain the everyday pain being suffered. Then he or she approaches the phantom and confronts the terrible space existing between spoken words and what they are meant to mean. In fact this space, this vaccum, is the pain. And finally, because like nature it abhors a vacuum, madness rushes in the fills the space and there is no longer any distinction between stage and world, playing and suffering.

Between the experience of living a normal life at this moment on the planet and the public narrative being offered to give a sense to that life, the empty space, the gap, is enormous. The desolation lies there, no in the facts. This is why a third of the French population are ready to listen to Le Pen. The story he tells - evil as it is - seems closer to what is happening in the streets. Differently, this is also why people dream of 'virtual reality'. Anything - from demagogy to manufactured onanistic dreams - anything, anything, to close the gap! In such gaps people get lost, and in such gaps people go mad.

In all five of the portraits Gericault painted in La Salpetriere sitters' eyes are looking elsewhere, askance. Not because they are focused on something distant or imagined, but because, by now, they habitually avoid looking at what is near. What is near provokes a vertigo because it is inexplicable according to the explanations offered.

How often today can one encounter a not dissimilar glance refusing to focus on the near - in trains, parking lots, bus queues, shopping precincts...

There are historical periods when madness appears to be what it is: a rare and abnormal affliction. There are other periods - like the one we have just entered - when madness appears to be typical.

All this describes the first of the two fingers with which the image of the man with tousled hair pinched us. The second finger comes from the compassion of the image.

-

Postmodernism is not usually applied to compassion. It might be both useful and humbling to apply it.

Most revolts in history were made to restore a justice which had been long abused or forgotten. The French Revolution, however, proclaimed the world principle of a Better Future. From that moment onwards all political parties of both left and right were obliged to make a promise which maintained that the amount of suffering in the world was being and would be reduced. Thus all afflictions became, to some degree, a reminder of a hope. Any pain witnessed, shared or suffered remained of course pain, but could be partly transcended by being felt as a spur towards making greater efforts for a future where that pain would not exist. Affliction had an historical outlet! And, during these two tragic centuries, even tragedy was thought of as carrying a promise.

Today the promises have become barren. To connect this barrenness solely with the defeat of communism is short-sighted. More far-reaching are the ongoing processes by which commodities have replaced the future as a vehicle of hope. A hope which inevitably proves barren for its clients, and which, by an inexorable economic logic, excludes the global majority. To buy a ticket for this years's Paris-Dakar Rally to give to the man with tousled hair makes us madder than he.

So we face him today without an historical or a modern hope. Rather we see him as a consequence. And this, by the natural order of things, means we see him with indifference. We don't know him. He's mad. He's been dead for more than a hundred and fifty years. Each day in Brazil a thousand children die of malnutrition or illnesses which in Europe are curable. They're thousands of miles away. You can do nothing.

The image pinched. In it there is a compassion that refutes indifference and is irreconcilable with any easy hope.

To what an extraordinary moment this painting belongs in the history of human representation and awareness! Before it, no stranger would have looked so hard and with such pity at a lunatic. A little later and no painter would have painted such a portrait without exhorting a glimmer of a modern or romantic hope. Like Antigone's, the lucid compassion of this portrait coexists with its powerlessness. And those two qualities, far from being contradictory, affirm one another in a way that victims can acknowledge but only the heart can recognise.

This, however, should not prevent us from being clear. Compassion has no place in the natural order of the world, which operates on the basis of necessity.  The laws of necessity are as unexceptional as the laws of gravitation. The human faculty of compassion opposes this order and is therefore best thought of as being in some way supernatural. To forget oneself, however briefly, to identify with a stranger to the paint of fully recognising her or him, is to defy necessity, and in this defiance, even if small and quiet and even if measuring only 60cm. x 50cm., there is a power which cannot be measured by the limits of the natural order. It is not a means and it has no end. The Ancients knew this.

'I did not think,' said Antigone, 'your edicts strong enough
To overrule the unwritten unalterable laws
of God and heaven, you being only a man.
They are not of yesterday, or today, but everlasting.
Though where they came from, none of us can tell.'  
The poster looked down on the streets of Paris as might a ghost. Not the ghost of the man with tousled hair, nor Gericault's. But the ghost of a special form of attention, which for two centuries had been marginalised but which every day now was becoming less obsolete. This is the second finger.

Pinched, what do we do? Wake up perhaps.

John Berger - The Shape of a Pocket

On the hotel bed there is no body, nor on the bed beside it. In the English language the situation can be condensed into one word: no body becomes nobody. One cannot ask: Who is nobody? Or maybe one can ask (as the water pipes in the next room gurgle) but no answer will come.

Nobody is nobody and both beds are empty. There is not even a crease, a trace. There is nobody.

Nobody is your beloved or mine, and nobody is every couple who once occupied this room. Over the years they add up to thousands. They lay sleepless. They made love. They sprawled over the two beds pulled together. They pressed tight against one another in one twin bed. They went home next day or they never met again. They made money or lost it. They betrayed one another. They saved each other.

Nobody is here and the beds in all their anonymity are empty. Or I might say: full of absence, but this suggests a sentimentality, a regret, which your paintings do not allow.

Yet simply because we have lived, we cannot forget as we stand in front of your canvases - and they are life-size - we cannot forget, and you do not want us to forget, what beds promise. Beds promise more than any other man-made object. They promise like nature does when benign. Perhaps this is why beds are so hard to paint?

Even in this one-star hotel with cheap synthetic sheets the beds promise like nature does.

The range of their promise is huge, from the modest to the voluptuous, from the timid to the ecstatic, from a pain's small relief to the great pain of happiness, from a little rest to death.

No wonder that in hotel wardrobes there's soften cardio hang on the door handle, which says: DO NOT DISTURB.

And no wonder, Christoph, that you paint, whilst not changing anything, whilst following the example of Velazquez, that you paint these bedroom walls, papered or painted, as if they were infinite. Infinite like the sky or the sea? No. Not at all. Infinite like promise. Even a bed's smallest promise partakes of infinity... Sleep.

Sleep. You are awake and painting, but we, lulled and half asleep, whisper unaccountably and recklessly to the absence: Come, my heart, I'm here, and we whisper this to nobody.

One of your canvases is about such a whisper. It's of an unmade bed and a crumpled duvet. The infinite wall is behind. For centuries painted sheets and draperies have featured in European art, Denae reclines upon them. The body of the dead Christ is laid out on them. They receive the marvellous body and are moulded by it. But here there are only the traces, only an absence.

I was here. And now I too have left. There is nobody.


記得...香蕉成熟時


Cloud Nothings - Wasted Days



I know
My life's not going to change
And I'll live
Through all these wasted days
Never thought
That I'd end up this way
And i know
It's going to stay the same

I thought
I would
Be more
Than this

And I know
I'm losing all my time
Can't believe
That it was all mine
Feeling sick
But I don't know why
Getting tired
Of living 'til I die

2012年12月12日 星期三

River Po - John Berger

"We know that behind every image revealed there is another image more faithful to reality, and in the back of that image there is another, and yet another behind the last one and so up to the true image of that absolute, mysterious reality that no one will ever see."

2012年11月27日 星期二

Tyler, the Creator of Tyler, the Creator


A rapper who actually thinks. Does things by himself, and in return the music he makes becomes his music. The life he is living becomes his life.

Saw a lot of old Kanye in this pal. Looks reckless but surely knows why to live.

2012年11月23日 星期五

"I Remember this... I was right behind the hoop and as Rose was rising to dunk he said, I heard this clearly,
'Later bitch'."

I need this mentality.

2012年11月15日 星期四

Get fueled up and say bye!

Nigga you're a square!
Lit you at the tip, blow it in the air 
We don't play fair and that's a fact, 
Separate the people from the sqaures like a nicotine patch!

2012年11月14日 星期三

Vishwa Prakash

Woman in Sea being Pierced by Arrows of Onlookers Eyes
Nude Woman Human Animals Looking at Her

相映成趣。

2012年11月9日 星期五

短期目標

1. 學習攝影 ,主攻documentary photography及 pattern photography
2. 學習錄影, 主攻poetic documentary、observational documentary及mockumentary
3. 鍜練體格,尤其為腳肌及前臂
4. 培養閱讀習慣而非單增加閱讀量
5. 定期留意畢業可能動向
6. 維持收支平衡
7. 學習時間分配,否則一切只為空談!

Kickback! Jay-Z - 99 Problems

2012年11月5日 星期一

在乾旱時總有及時雨。這是我的幸運、我的幸福。
實在不能再感恩太多了。多謝您,多謝你們。

2012年10月18日 星期四

Vusi, 41, Johannesburg, South Africa

"Vusi is a 41-year-old Zimbabwean. He collects stuff that people throw away and sells it for a living. but in his home country he was a trained legal practitioner. 'I have got to survive, which has not been easy. I am quite able and willing to contribute to my life here and to South African lives in general. If only there could be that level of tolerance and acceptance, things would be better for everybody."


"I'm involved in recycling, picking up stuff that people have thrown away and selling it. At the end of the day I sell it and I can get money to eat. In Zimbabwe, I am a qualified lawyer. I have got to survive, which has not been easy, given my circumstances with having a foreign qualification and being an asylum seeker."


由一個幫助同胞逃離津巴布韋的人道律師,搖身一變成為得拾荒維生的政治難民,這一切在非洲這個地方卻似可恨的合理。
「我必煩求生存,但這並不容易。我有能力、也很樂意在這裡貢獻我的一生,並為南非人作出貢獻。但願這個城市能給我們更多寬容和接納,那樣大家才能有更好的生活。」對比起這個為國人獻身而落難的平凡難民,我這個讀國際政治的又在幹著甚麼無聊事?...

2012年10月12日 星期五

硬木嵌玉十六羅漢像屏(局部)

「這座屏風是以五代僧人畫家貫休《十六羅漢圖》為底本。貫休以誇張變形的手法描繪羅漢的奇貎高行,對後世文人畫家影響甚深。乾隆對貫休畫風的喜好,反映他崇尚文人的意趣。」

望第一眼已經會心微笑,估唔到清朝已經有日和畫風﹐重要十六個羅漢都唔同形態地日和。睇黎如果乾隆依然在生,我同佢會有好多計傾。

2012年9月26日 星期三

Friedrich Nietzsche the Poet

"Ecce Homo"
Yes, I know from where I come!
Insatiable like the fire Do I glow, consume myself.
Light is everything that I seize,
Ashes everything that I leave:
Fire am I without fail.

"The Solitary"
I hate to follow and I hate to lead.
Obey? Oh no! And govern? No indeed!
Only who dreads himself inspires dread.
And only those inspiring dread can lead.
Even to lead myself is not my speed.
I love to lose myself for a good while.
Like animals and forests and the sea.
To sit and think on some solitary isle,
And lure myself back home from far away,
Seducing myself to come back to me.

"Realistic Painters"
'True to nature, all the truth: that's art.'
This hallowed notion is a threadbare fable.
Infinite is nature's smallest part.
They paint what happens to delight their heart.
And what delights them? What to paint they're able.

2012年9月25日 星期二

Ingmar Bergman - The Seventh Seal





有無好死
不得好死。
在與死亡有關的咒詛語中,這一句堪稱歹毒和復仇性最強:不單要終結他人的存在,更要他臨死受大苦難--由於明知死沒有將來,痛苦便失去被超克的意義,但痛苦卻又是非常真實的感覺,真是絕望加痛苦的最差組合……
《第七封印》的主線,可能,從頭到尾,就是在問:「點樣得好死」?這句話包含的意思可以很廣泛,比如說:死得心安理得、死得其所、死而無憾、含笑九泉、死得安慰、死得重於泰山……
一開筆就死死死死,皆因對於一大堆末日說法,我認為無非都是怕死而已。就連柏格曼大叔自己都說,拍這齣影片是用來克服自己對死亡的恐懼。死亡不特別,怕死也很普通,只是,其實「怕死」即是怕什麼呢?為何柏格曼克服個人的怕死或壯膽之作,要以一種大量集體無意義死亡(聖戰和瘟疫),來包裹著主角和配角們最後的生與死呢?為何要讓主角一而再再而三地表示他對上帝的疑惑?又為何最後,一行人在死神的帶領下,竟在天際線上列隊跳舞呢?
藝術作品做了出來,觀眾有責任去合情合理地詮釋,雖未必與原作雷同,但不失為藝術品生命無限衍生的方式。在詮釋中,不同的框架,協助我們看到不同的東西。《第七封印》是一個意象豐富的寓言體結構,要每一個有意思的地方都談,可不得了,故根據編者的要求,便以「末日」為框架,開啟我的第七封印吧……
末日到臨 誰當覺醒?
末日與一般個體死亡的不同之處,在於其大量、集體。同時,末日也不像一般的天災後死傷慘重的情況,因為,它不是局部性的,而是「全球化」、世界性的終結。再也者,如果從宗教角度而言,不論是基督教的啟示錄或是古蘭經的聖訓,末日論皆與人的集體犯罪有關,例如偽神獲得廣泛的傳播和接納、道德淪亡、甚至是人類不斷興建摩天大樓等等,都可以是末日的徵兆。換句話說,末日便是神/真理對「人類」(作為一個整體)已忍無可忍,故發動無差別的毀滅性攻擊(在人類之間我們叫這做「恐怖主義」)。
聖戰和瘟疫就是整齣電影的基本設定,而聖爭和瘟疫,似乎都符合上述末日的條件。
電影的主角騎士安東尼奧,就是一個剛打完聖戰回歸的人,但他卻說,死前要做一件有意義的事。換句話說,十年聖戰,十年青春,於他而言竟毫無意義,全屬浪費。從歴史中我們知道,偽神論的傳播和廣泛被接納,就是發動十字軍東征的肇因[1]。結束戰爭,回到本土,卻發現以神之名發起聖戰的歐洲大陸,卻正在被據說是神怒所帶來的瘟疫所苦,四處瀰漫著死亡。被「信仰」騙去十年青春且幾乎送命的人,回到本土還是無法避開死亡。如果瘟疫是神怒的表現,為何是發生在歐洲,而不是在異教徒的地方呢?這還不算,以前騙了他讓他失去十年生命的那種神棍們,仍然抬著耶穌十架像四處招搖撞騙,隨意誣害女子為女巫,而民眾又集體盲信,因恐懼死亡而胡亂殺人和自殘。如果這就是啟示錄的末日,誰當覺醒?如何覺醒?有沒有條件覺醒?還是,人不過是無意義地出生與死亡,無因無果,一切皆巧合,與灰塵無異,謹此而已?此時此刻,對於神阿爸產生質疑,合理之至。
死亡作為小丑和遊戲
於是,死亡變成了一場又一場與死神的棋局(Game)。騎士為了爭取時間尋找答案,並做一件有意義的事,可以有好死,便與死神一局一局地下棋/遊戲。這死神也好玩,可能滿有信心自己最後必勝,所以留一個好對手下棋好像也不錯;但祂也會撒賴,矯裝神父騙騎士把對神的懷疑和下棋的步法講出來。「神」在電影中亦有限,竟連撒賴騙取情報之後的一局也未能贏,看得笑出來:柏格曼大叔那時真的很「怕死」啊!
「經由死亡,『我』即化為烏有,穿過黑暗之間。而等著我的,全是我無法控制、預料及安排的東西。這對我來說,有如無底的恐懼深淵。一直等到我突然鼓起勇氣,將死神妝扮成一個白色的小丑,會和人交談、下棋,還沒有秘密,才算是踏出克服自己對死亡恐懼的第一步。」這是柏格曼自己的說法[2]。
「死神作為丑角」這個奇異的處理,除了自我安慰之外,還可能有別的意思嗎?小丑是一種很複雜的概念,也是戲劇中「非常態」的其中一種代表。他必須是可笑的,他必須要嘲笑其他人,或做些自嘲的事情,好像瘋瘋癲癲的,讓大家覺得開心。可是,沒有人是永恆開心的,所以,大家都很容易想像小丑就是「對人歡笑背人愁」的孤獨匱乏型。這種孤獨匱乏型又很容易因慾望過高,而成為對其他人的威脅,故也有一種恐怖感。另一方面,由於小丑的工作便是不斷嘲笑現實,因此,他必須對人們的「現實」保持距離以產生這種幽默感,換句話說,他有另一種視野,故,有時丑角又會有一種「大智若愚」的形象。可能,小丑這個概念之多層次,剛剛好足夠承載導演對「神/真理/死亡」這個如此複雜的命題的情緒和思考。
零點.回到死亡的幾種可能性
雖然柏格曼說他怕死,但是,觀眾可別忘了,恐懼也是人類複雜的慾望之一,否則,哪來如此多人付錢去看驚慄片、去高空跳笨豬跳啊!
死亡,除了如導演自言的「恐懼深淵」以外,也有另外一些意義。
毀滅與創造:片中那名一直沉默的少女,到見到死神才第一次說話,她先是驚恐,最後她跪下,帶著淚水微笑起來:「一切都將完結了。」痛苦終將完結,有什麼不好?啟示錄記載,末日審判後,迎來的是新世界--毀滅與創造,本是一體雙生之物,正如杯不倒空,就不能再盛水一樣。因此,死亡,是既痛苦,又喜悅的事情。
回歸/淨化:死亡,在基督教有句話:「釋勞歸主」--從此解除人生的痛苦勞累,歸於無垠宇宙,回到如母體般安全的狀態,在神的懷抱中,無知、無慾、無苦、無懼。如果說人類因為有「想成為獨特個體」的慾望,而努力把自己與別人分辨開來;那麼,不想孤獨,想「從眾」、想「融合」的慾望,到了終極點,就是死亡,而且,是集體、無差別(亦即平等)的死亡。
如此,可以很容易理解為何某些「極端教派」會相信,集體死亡,一起離開污穢的俗世,是一種「神聖的淨化」。如此,我們也可以明白,為何如影片中像「女巫」這種「散播污染」之人,那些怕死怕得要命的人們對其處決的方式絕不會是斬首或絞刑,而必須是具絕對毀滅性的火刑,還原為塵土才能「淨化」,才能消除「不潔」。影片最後,演員佐夫又見到異象,死神引領著影片中死去的所有人,在遠處山邊的天際線上跳舞。穿越了死亡,死神要求他們手牽手,跳起神聖莊嚴的舞蹈。手牽手的合一意象與騎士告解時自責的冷漠,或者拉菲爾死前孤獨地恐懼,形成鮮明對比。或許,失去與他人連繫的人,只能透過面對死亡的淨化作用,才能進入新生?如此「淨化」這概念又回歸到毀滅(污穢、愚蠢)與創造(潔淨、神聖)的概念之上了。
「末日」這麼勁量級的毀滅,本來就是生之欲與死之欲的最高結合點吧!
物化與儀式:中文叫沒有生命的物件做「死物」。死了,靜止了,沒有人可以再啟動,也沒有人可以再改變這個人的什麼了。在這個人的生命之書上,所有他對自我的理解,都不會有任何新發展。人死變屍,屍即物。人類學經常會研究不同文化中如何克服死亡的儀式,如何事實上安全地進入「物化」或「非常態化」的狀態,而達致一種穿越死亡、克服死亡的安全感,讓人透過這種儀式回到日常生活之中,繼續日常經濟生產[3]。
死神之友
這麼說,整齣電影就是一個物化儀式,就是導演透過將演員和鏡頭「物化」為膠片上的影像,以克服死亡的恐懼?導演是否更透過嘲弄死神,讓死神成為一個小丑,來聊以自慰呢?我想,這個衝動是存在的,不過,如果只有這種程度的自我滿足的話,應該不是柏格曼吧?快感和美感,始終是有分別的。所以我們還要談,死亡的朋友:神聖和遊戲。
死亡在人類整體而言雖是普遍的事,但在每個個體為保持住生存而勞碌的生命中,都只有一次,所以屬於「非常態」,而且是人的計算理性所不能掌握的東西。在「非常態」和「非計算理性」這兩個分類下,當然還有相關的朋友:神聖性和遊戲性。計算的理性是為了「獲取」。死亡是關於「散失」(「塵歸塵,土歸土」)。神聖性要求的,通常是因為信念而祭獻/無條件付出你最好的東西。遊戲則是付出努力而獲得一個愉快的過程--是過程而不是結果,因為結果本身意味完結,是可以被把握的事實,但不能被「享受」。所以,在遊戲當中若有人「唔輸得」,整個遊戲就會變得「不好玩」啦。這種情況,通常是遊戲被職業化的結果(如職業球賽,根本不是為了「玩」)。
異象.遊於藝
要再談一點遊戲,因為這會直接指向電影內的救贖之途。
朱光潛的美學觀我不完全認同,但關於遊戲的部份我倒是很認同的。在《談美》中他談到,遊戲就是最原始的藝術形態,就如小朋友拿個掃帚扮馬,這有模仿現實的性質,但又不是完全的現實,也有主觀想像的客觀化、形象化和虛擬化。幾個小朋友繼續共同確認那是馬就是馬,就可以繼續玩下去。這簡直是一種「說有光就有了光」的神創嘛,但這是每個小朋友都很容易會學懂去玩的遊戲,而且完全只是為了開心的,不是計較自己「實質」獲得什麼東西。[4]
柏格曼的自述中曾提到他小時候,只要創造了一些什麼東西,就很想引人注意,想獲得確認,以至後來亂編故事跟朋友講,但又因太瞎扯所以經常被「踢爆」而恥笑。最後,這個小朋友就把他的創造力,收藏在他孤獨的世界裡。這種編故事的動作,很明顯也屬於「遊戲」的範疇,可是,由於他是在現實生活中杜撰有關真實的故事,會導致真實/虛構的混淆,這就跌入了現實世界的「謊言」的道德範疇,於是這個小朋友當然會惹到一點麻煩。
有看過《第七封印》的朋友,應該馬上會發現:這個小朋友不就是那個說看到「異象」演員佐夫嗎?
在電影中,具有這種遊於藝的特性的,共有四個:隨從、演員佐夫、教堂畫師、死神。
死神我們談過了,來看看其他三個人類吧。
隨從好像是騎士的世俗一面。當騎士還在信仰與否之間掙扎時,他不見得心情平靜。在他與教堂畫師及神棍拉菲爾的對話中,可見這人腦袋清晰,知道主人和自己都是被那些神言神語騙了,浪費了十年青春,心裡是很憤怒的。他不會想神不神的問題,只會編一些市井巷里的滑稽色情歌來放輕鬆。他心地不壞,見到神棍欺負弱村女會拔刀相助,也曾有衝動要去救那明顯是被「祭旗」的少女。不過,見到美女,他也是期望回報的。他一直在害怕死亡,在教堂見到恐怖的畫會怕,但又不肯認;到最後面對死神時,他發脾氣講了一堆話,最後他說:「我會保持沉默,因抗議之名。」
演員佐夫在電影中似乎是「藝術」的代表。一開始他就見到異象(聖母瑪利亞和聖嬰),並對自己見人之不能見的能力深信不疑,故也對自己(創造)出來的事物深信不疑。無論妻子和旁人如何說他不過是痴人說夢,他還是深信自己的「夢」就是真實,或至少是真實世界的一部份。最後,他和家人的純真、善良和愛,也成為了騎士找到的意義,也就是,值得記憶、捍衛和犧牲的東西。
畫師呢?畫師和隨從簡直一見如故,言談甚歡,大談之聖戰與教會之無聊。教堂畫師負責把末日景象仔細畫出,他的畫畫心得是:要畫得很恐怖,突出恐怖細節,讓信眾害怕,這樣他們才會把自己送給教士們主宰。對於此,他持世故而諷刺的姿態,卻只能維持工作。
同是藝術工作者,畫師雖然心底明了,卻沒有演員佐夫對藝術的執著。佐夫對藝術的態度,可見之於他和劇團老闆最早的對話中。當時他們的三人劇團應教士之聘到某村,演一些嚇人的戲劇,去令村民認罪悔改之類,老闆還在選用什麼可怕的面具,佐夫卻說,不如演些風流韻事,人們喜歡看呢。(結果風流韻事卻成了老闆和鐵匠妻子的「真人騷」了…)這裡佐夫所講的風流韻事,其意義絕不是我們現今講的八卦,而是一些令人開心發笑的事情,一些生活的樂趣,而不是協助那些一心煽動人們的恐懼情緒,以達到自己控制目的教士們,拒絕繼續幫他們為群眾洗腦。
這個演員和現實世界最多衝突。先是與劇團老闆有點口角,不願意演教士付錢要演的戲。然後,明明沒事人在餐廳吃點東西,忽然間不幸遇到那個剛被隨從打過、滿肚火的神棍拉菲爾。這拉菲爾曾欺騙不少虔誠的少年離鄉別井去打「聖戰」,令別人妻離子散,只為證實自己是得神授。後又因無法繼續在神學院騙飯吃,成了在瘟疫村裡專偷死人身上財物的小偷。他充滿無名的妒恨,甚至於發泄在一個無辜的佐夫身上,以最離譜的身份政治(你老婆跟一演員走了,這個也是演員,所以他也該殺!)來煽動鐵匠和群眾,大家一起以羞辱和傷害這個無辜者為樂。這次是隨從救了佐夫,佐夫逃跑時,也不忘偷走神棍偷來的美麗手鐲送給妻子。他的妻子米亞很善良也很愛他,而且也同是演員,可是卻總覺得他在亂編故事。在這次他被欺負後,由於不明就裡,米亞就道出了自己對丈夫一貫的看法:「都叫你不要成天跟人說見到異像」、「都叫你不要又扮傻瓜懶風趣」,因為「會惹人家生氣的!」只是,為何這位女子又深愛一個這樣的做夢者呢?世上有一種愛情是欣羡對方會做一些自己不敢做不會做的事,米亞的愛情,大概就屬於這一類吧。
這演員的一家的生活和態度,最終成為了尋找真理和神的騎士找到那件「有意義」的、可以讓他死得好事情。騎士為爭取時間讓他們逃跑,打翻了棋子,這一局,死神勝了,救了這家人一命之後,騎士以棋局向死神做的延期申請便即將到期了。
影片裡,能夠洞察世情的、遇神跡的、能反抗的、能愛護的、能提出異見的、見義勇為的人類,都是能「遊於藝」的人,而這些人,或多或少都有一點丑角的味道(隨從的滑稽歌曲、演員經常想逗人笑、畫師的自嘲)。他們對世界都有一種幽默感,而幽默感來自什麼呢?就是來自一種對「既定現實」的質疑,一種能從另一種視角看待事物的方式,不盲信,如演員佐夫說:「我看到一種真實,只不過不是你們看到的真實。」透過「遊於藝」,人類也獲得了和死神這個神格角色相似的性質了。
不過,這還是不夠的。因為,柏格曼大叔想做的,是樹立另一個人類可以有的生活概念,去代替教會所帶給人們的「神」的概念。
神阿爸
有一場戲,死神扮神父,騙取下棋情報,這兒除了嘲弄一下死神這,「小丑」外,導演還借助騎士的口來一堆「天問」,如:「為什麼他總是藏在半真半假的承諾和從未實現過的奇蹟背后呢?」「當我們缺乏信念的時候,又如何信呢?」「難道要相信那些我們不想也不能相信的事情嗎?」「為何我不能殺死心中的上帝?」「為何他使我蒙羞?」「為何他總像一個我無法擺脫的嘲笑者?」
最後不再是問題:「我需要真理,不是信仰,不是承諾,而是真理。我希望上帝能伸出他的手,露出他的臉,和我說話……或許那里根本沒有任何人……那麼生命真是荒誕而可怕。沒有人可以活著面對死神……」
於是柏格曼弒父了,他宣稱,人們口中的上帝,不過就是一個為克服怕死而生產出來的慾望對象,換言之,所有的崇拜及其相關之物,只是人為怕死而做的物化儀式。這實在是心理上的弒父行為,除了殺掉神阿爸這個想像,也是對身為牧師的父親的反叛。雖然這弒父到最後是有「補鑊」的,到騎士真正面對死亡時,他還是恐懼地向神禱告了。
作為牧師的兒子,他當然應該知道基督教其中一種重要的智慧:不准拜偶像。本來,這是要求信眾自發為信念而愛人和謙卑,而不以計算理性的「獲取」為最高生活綱領。不過,神阿爸有神阿爸講,子女通常都不聽啦。正因為神和死人一樣都不會發話,於是,更容易被物化,亦即是隨大家慾望是什麼就什麼吧。越有權力的人,就越容易傳播這種偽神論,整齣電影的聖戰背景,就是這種事情。「他人即地獄」這個詛咒,是連神也不能倖免的悲劇。柏格曼是否真的解決了神阿爸,那是他內心的事,我實不敢說。不過,他肯定解決了教會。影片裡,每逢教士出現都沒有好事,所有人都墮入一種為了克服死亡恐懼而不斷自殘及互殘的狀態。這不是啟示錄所談的偽神的廣泛傳播和接納是什麼?
如果「神」只是人們腦海裡的概念,心靈中的慾念,那麼,要討論的重點,就不是「神存在與否?」,也不是「點樣得好死?」,而是:「即使我們真的只是如灰塵般無因無果的偶然存在物,我們仍可有什麼活下去的意義?」「我們憑什麼活下去?」「要活下去的話我們要守護什麼?捍衛什麼?」
愛.遊於藝
藝術,就是創造,是基於現實之上的另一些真實,是現實的無限可能性(異象),就如小朋友説掃帚是馬就是馬,神說有光就有了光,是人類最大的自由。透過這種自由創造的能力,人可以在宇宙之間遊走,用中式的說法就是物我兩忘、逍遙遊,用西方的說法就是互為主體性(intersubjectivity)。 充滿過程,有事「發」、「生」,才有生命力。雖然與死亡一樣,都是從個體生命回歸宇宙穹蒼,但這與死之慾的「安頓」、「安息」於宇宙之中,成為「物」的一部份的狀態不同。
可是,諸君請勿誤會,我不是說自稱藝術家的人就擁有那些能力,因為這是柏格曼用來代替作為偶像而存在的「神」的概念,所以絕不會是特定的人,而是一種概念,這概念需要存在於每個人心目中,但,胡思亂想也要也會有個方向,引發這個概念運作的動能在哪裡呢?
是基於對生命/創造的愛,而不是基於對死/損失的恐懼。
在電影中,演員佐夫一家的蓬車停在一處休息,剛好騎士也停在那裡,可以說是一種萍水相逢的狀態。當時佐夫不在,米亞則在照顧孩子,騎士便與她聊起天來。不久,演員回家,隨從和沉默少女也回到騎士身邊。演員佐夫第一件想到的事,就是為大家彈奏一曲自己的作品。本來米亞怕陌生朋友覺得丈夫無聊想阻止他,豈知隨從也有創作歌曲的興趣,於是佐夫就彈起魯特琴來了。
米亞與騎士的談話,出現整齣電影都沒有發生在他身上的事情:有人聆聽他、憐愛他、企圖了解他。騎士自十年戰亂歸來,見到的仍是哀鴻遍野,所見之人際關係,不是恐懼就是操控,再不然就只有隨從與畫師那種冷嘲熱諷,連他自己也認為已迷失在對其他人的冷漠之中。只有當遇到佐夫和米亞,他才能見到這種善良、這種平和、這種笑容。這兩夫婦,對一些陌生人,獻出了自己僅有中的最好的給他們:音樂創作、關懷、牛奶和野草莓,而且,在瘟疫流行期間,他們還同用一碗喝牛奶。
這讓騎士發現了,他必須捍衛的東西。
救贖方案?
對陌生人有愛,聆聽陌生人的痛苦安慰他們,對陌生人無條件付出最好的東西,這是很重要的價值。相對於末日的平等性、無差別性毀滅;在這對演員的心中,存有對陌生人的、平等性、無差別性的愛。
其實,無論基督教的普世愛,還是世俗社會所談的公義,都要依靠大家對不認識的人存有這種無差別的愛,同意每個人的生命都是生命,才有可能。通過藝術創造而可以遊於宇宙之間,通過保持幽默感和創造力來以另一個視覺看見現實,雖是可貴,但創造原動力必須來自這種普世愛。所以,相比起演員,隨從就無法得救了,他的幽默感和創造力,都源於對死亡的恐懼;而他的見義勇為,也不是無條件的。
這為什麼如此重要?反過來看就知道了:缺乏對陌生人的愛,加上對死亡的恐懼,那些神棍才可以輕易煽動仇恨,讓大家群起來欺負佐夫;也可以隨意把瘟疫的責任推到一個弱小女子的身上,誣蔑她為女巫,而這個動作,就靠大家對陌生人的冷漠、無視才可以做得到。再進一步說,可能那些教士也自以為見到神也說不定。更誇張而悲慘的,是被誣為女巫的少女,被瘋狂轟炸、虐待、洗腦後,連自己也以為自己真的是撒旦附身的魔女。這些也是「另類視角」,但由於這些都不是根植於對生命的愛,所以,便一塌糊塗,累人累己。
其後……
根據編輯的要求,是要談這個「末日出路」的問題。
以我見過文本之中,末日方程式不外乎三大類:接受、不接受和話之你。
話之你,今天有酒今天醉,做壞了這個世界令下一代要在廢墟中生活唔關我事。其他人提到末日就擔心一下,然後轉個頭又沉淪於消費當中。這類人應該是最多和最「正常」的。
舊約聖經裡的諾亞方舟、出埃及記、巴別塔等集體被神殺的故事,或極端教派集體自殺自救,或者教眾進行恐怖襲擊以推快末日/新世界的來臨,這些都明顯是接受末日/新世界的例子。
至於不接受的故事,就與「自決」和「救贖」有關,這就主要訴諸兩種方向:一是個人學懂愛他人的修為(通常都是宗教、靈修、心靈雞湯之類);二是自我組織、連結起來反抗俗世建立出來的偽真理,亦即現在正把我們帶向地球荒廢的那個體制。
這兩種方式我私以為缺一不可。革命也好運動也好,如缺乏對陌生人的愛,只懂以死之慾的眼光不斷看結果、不斷保護已「獲取」的,而絕不看過程中生發的素質,這樣可以帶來很可怕的後果。可是,缺乏對體制和個人在體制中的位置的深切反省,被欺壓的無權勢者不群起而反抗的話,如此就想妄談改變,無異於自欺欺人:人不組織起來成為足夠反抗體制的力量,就只有等到地震海嘯等大災難真的發生,引爆了核電,才會有足夠的牙力叫停核能。
柏格曼的想法,應該較傾向於個人修身的部份吧,否則,相信整個寓言體系中,會出現較多不同層級的教士們的對話,或出現較多那些貧苦大眾面對死亡的不同想法,或是教士與信眾之間的經濟關係(中世紀的贖罪卷買賣就很有現代商品的象徵意味)……
這種修身的傾向,令到《第七封印》的救贖方案裡,在具體的「個人」和抽象的「人類」當中,似乎沒有「社群」這個概念。一位注重獨立思考的重要性的藝術家,觀察到人在群體之中可能產生的盲目,是值得我們留意的。社群乃是孕育個體成為「人」的安全網,可以是共同體的建立,可以是無權勢者抵抗不公義的可能;但也可以是排斥異類、欠缺包容的單細胞性集體。在這個時候,個體的價值,與抽象普遍無差別的「人」的價值,就是平衡的基準。
可是,在電影裡,「社群」的出現,全都只是集體的盲信和胡來,人在社群中好像誓必失去獨立判斷。於是,能得救的只有長期不在社群當中的遊牧藝人,能在死亡邊緣暫時自救救人的也只有作為特權階級、知識份子的騎士和他那有一點墨水的隨從。被欺壓、被欺騙的人群,只有被虐待或者被救助的份,且最終還是免不了死亡。在談末日、自決、救贖的主題時,完全不處理小社群,單談精神自我救贖法,對於人類整體的將來,是否可行,實在大有商榷。就像全無社群關係的遊牧藝人佐夫,在面對人群和偽真理的欺凌時,是很無助的,只能被人打救,可是,在與騎士及隨從分別後,他又如何呢?再延伸一點去想,佐夫常說自己看到神的異象,這終有一天會激怒那些以神為專業的教士,到時他妻子會不會被誣為女巫,蠱惑丈夫?在當時的社會而言乃大有可能,到時,誰可以救他們?
一齣電影未必可以處理所有相關於末日這個大命題的東西。不過,了解一個作品或一個人,都可以同時從他有和他沒有的、他是與不是的地方入手。最後,可能形成一種叫「批評」的東西,但這個「批評」到底是出於渴望了解的愛人之情,還是出於渴望「獲取」優越感,乃是如人飲水,冷暖自知吧。
不過,如果採用過度/延展閱讀的方式,也可以這樣說:怕死的人需要極多物化的儀式,以克服死亡的恐懼感,因此需要極多計算理性,去把自己的所得不斷累積。在啟蒙時代之後,在一個「神已死」的世界中,商品拜物教就成了取代神像而存在的,用以克服死亡的偶像。商業社會靠什麼來做到貨如輪轉?當然就要靠有系統和大量地生產、刺激恐懼感和匱乏感。然而,地球的資源是有限的,當人們怕死的感覺越來越失控,地球被耗盡的一天,大家都不得好死的一天,也會更快到臨吧。
可是,要思考怎樣做,可能要先面對死神的這句甚有佛家意味的話:i am unknowing.
因為,末日到臨時,沒有人是無辜的。

2012年9月18日 星期二

Vincent Van Gogh

"If one keeps loving faithfully what is really worth loving, and does not waste one's love on insignificant and unworthy and meaningless things, one will get more light and by and grow stronger. Sometimes it is well to go into the world and converse with people, and at times one is obliged to do so, but he who would prefer to be quietly alone with his work, and who wants but very few friends, will go safest through the world and among people. And even in the most refined circles and with the best surroundings and circumstances, one must keep something of the original character of an anchorite, for other wise one has no root in oneself; one must never let the fire go out in one's soul, but keep it burning. And whoever chooses poverty for himself and loves it possesses a great treasure, and will always clearly hear the voice of his conscience; he who hears and obeys that voice, which is the best gift of God, finds at least a friend in it, and is never alone."

Leonard Cohen

"Poetry is just the evidence of life. If your life is burning well, poetry is just the ash."

2012年9月12日 星期三

我只懂認真處理認真不能處理的問題
此非不為 是為不能也

這也不是一個不能認真處理的問題

開始腦閉塞了
我們該走到哪裡?

節錄自 John Berger - The Shape of a Pocket

I am as I am. I'm waiting, replies the mountain or the mouse or the child.
What for?
For you, if you abandon everything else.
For how long?
For as long as it takes.
There are other things in life.
Find them and be more normal.
And if I don't?
I'll give you what I've given nobody else, but it's worthless, it's simply the answer to your useless question.
Useless?
No promise more than that?
None. I can wait for ever.
I'd like a normal life.
Live it and don't count on me.
And if I do count on you?
Forget everything and in me you'll find - me!

2012年9月9日 星期日

"Characteristic is poise"

A sniper has an assignment, a mission. He goes there, and he may sit in the worst condition for 6 hours to get that one shot. But then he gets that shot, hits his target. You know what he does? He doesn't jump up and down and do cartwheels. He packs up his stuff and he gets out. Nothing said, no emotion - that was his job.

2012年8月27日 星期一



引以為記.
知恥近乎勇!

Existentialism - Sartre's mauvaise foi (bad faith)

Two cows are standing in a field. One says to the other, "What do you think about this mad cow disease?"
"What do I care?" says the other. "I'm a helicopter."

2012年8月26日 星期日

不可能做得更差。因為我自信自己的程度離這裡很遠。我只差那一點自信,我能飛天遁地。
我的目標不在於此。我要努力離開現在的定位。我要打上去。我要做正選。我要做difference maker。
一肚火。一覺瞓醒後,再沒有任何事能阻止我。
night.

The Illusionist

"I thought we might end this evening with a discussion of the soul. All of the greatest religions speak of the soul's endurance before the end of life. So what then does it mean to die? "

"From the moment we enter this life we are in the flow of it. We measure it and we mock it, but we cannot defy it. We cannot even speed it up or slow it down. Or can we? Have we not each experienced the sensation that a beautiful moment seemed to pass too quickly, and wished that we could make it linger? Or felt time slow on a dull day, and wished that we could speed things up a bit?"


"What do you want?"

"Nothing."
"Then you shall get nothing."


2012年8月22日 星期三

Human stupidity - problem?


"The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and stupidity."

The more stupid people you come across, the more you want to separate from the rest.
What follows is one using every droplet of fuel in the tank just to reach the height that his view is no longer blocked by the stupid people in sight, a view that no stupid person can ever describe.
So he worked and worked and worked. He used the stupid people as stepping stones, teased at the ones that are below him, fueled up by the stupid ones above him, said to himself that one day he would surpass the stupid asses above his head.
So, after a good number of years, he finally arrived at his 'destined' spot. He closed his eyes, took a breath of fresh-air, re-opened his eyes and looked down. All he could see, however, was an endless flood of stupid people. All he could see are still the stupid people he hated, just from another angle. One thing he had achieved though, that he finally enjoyed a view that not stupid person could describe - the stupid people were all happy clinging to each other below, while the wise guy himself, standing alone on the mountain top of the stupid people. At the very second, he realized that he was no different from a stupid person. Maybe even worse.

Where do we go? When the boredom becomes intolerable, where do we go? To rejoin the crowd? To stay on your own ever since? Or simply jump off a cliff, just to start off the whole process again in a different body? Where do we go?

Where do we go?

2012年8月19日 星期日

節錄自Werner Herzog - Of Walking On Ice

沒有半個人,連個鬼影也沒有,令人窒息的靜謐。然而,這一切的正中央,是一團熾熱的火焰,而且,是用煤油點燃的。火光閃動著,一團鬼火,風。橙色的曠野上,我可以看到雨的線條,而世界崩解的預告出現在地平線上。閃動著微光。一列火車駛過大地,穿越山嶺。它的車輪發出紅光,一節車廂爆出火舌。火車停下,有人試圖滅火,但車廂的火已經無法撲滅,於是他們決定繼續前進,加速、全速前進。火車啟動,駛向未知的宇宙,堅定地。在漆黑的宇宙中,車輪透著火光,那一節車廂透著火光。任何人都想像不到的星球毀滅發生了,整個世界崩解成單一的點。光線無法再透出來。在這裡,連最深的黑也有如是一道光,沉默也有如咆哮。這個宇宙被虛無填滿,是黑暗虛無的無底洞。銀河系被壓縮為「無星狀態」(Un-Sternen)。一種純然的幸福感擴散開來,而從這純然幸福感中又生出一種荒謬。就是這樣。

...

寂寞是好事嗎?它的確是。但前頭只有戲劇化的風景在等著。在此同時,那不斷蔓生的惡怪再次群集在海上。

2012年8月12日 星期日

隊友

跑至斷腳很熱血,斷腳再跑更為不可思議。
這還是奧運比賽。
這還是拖著斷腳跑200米的比賽。
這還是46 秒完成400米的成績。
不可思議的意志。

意志來源為?
"看到下一棒的隊員在遠處向我招手,我感到很冗奮。"
偶像。enough said.

2012年7月30日 星期一

Utilitarianism

G.K. Chesterton once wrote, "The word 'good' has many meanings. For example, if a man were to shoot his mother at a range of five hundred yards, I should call him a good shot, but not necessarily a good man." It's the qualifier "necessarily" that shows Chesterton possessed a truly philosophical mind.

2012年7月25日 星期三

Alvin is working in his store when he hears a booming voice from above that says, "Alvin, sell your business!" He ignores it. the voice goes on for days saying, "Alvin, sell your business for three million dollars!" After weeks of this, he relents and sells his store.
The voice says, "Alvin, go to Las Vegas!"
Alvin asks why. 
"Alvin, just take the three million dollars and go to Las Vegas."
Alvin obeys, goes to Las Vegas, and visits a casino. 
The voice says, "Alvin, go to the blackjack table and put it all down on one hand!"
Alvin hesitates but gives in. He's dealt an eighteen. The dealer has a six showing. 
"Alvin, take a card!"
"What? The dealer has..."
Alvin tells the dealer to hit him, and gets an ace. Nineteen. He breathes easy. 
"Alvin, take another card."
"What?"
"TAKE ANOTHER CARD!"
Alvin asks for another card. It's another ace. He has twenty.
"Alvin, take another card!" the voice commands. 
"I have twenty!" Alvin shouts. 
"TAKE ANOTHER CARD!" booms the voice. 
"Hit me!" Alvin says. He gets another ace. Twenty-one!
And the booming voice says, "Un-fucking-believable!"

Determinism Versus Free Will

Moses, Jesus, and a bearded old man are playing golf. Moses drives a long one, which lands on the fairway but rolls directly toward the pond. Moses raises his club, parts the water, and the ball rolls safely to the other side.
Jesus also hits a long one toward the same pond, but just as it's about to land in the center, it hovers above the surface. Jesus casually walks out on the pond and chips it onto the green.
The bearded man's drive hits a fence and bounces out onto the street, where it caroms off an oncoming truck and back onto the fairway. It's headed directly for the pond, but it lands on a lily pad, where a frog sees it and snatches it into his mouth. An eagle swoops down, grabs the frog, and flies away. As the eagle and frog pass over the green, the frog drops the ball, and it lands in the cup for a hole-in-one.
Moses turns to Jesus and says, "I hate playing with your dad."

2012年7月21日 星期六

節錄自Werner Herzog - Of Walking On Ice

寒鴉定居村子裡。兩匹馬啃食著一棵樹的樹皮。腐爛的蘋果躺在樹下泥濘的土地上,沒人收成。其中一棵—從遠處看去像是唯一一棵還有葉子的樹—仍神奇地掛滿一叢叢蘋果。這棵濕答答的樹上沒有半片葉子,只有濕答答、拒絕掉落的蘋果。我摘了一個,味道頂酸,但可以解渴。我把果核往那棵樹一丟,蘋果如雨般紛紛落下。當那些蘋果再次完全靜止,我心想,沒有人可以想像這樣了無人煙的孤寂。這是最孤寂的一天,所有日子中最孤絕的一天。於是我上前去搖那棵樹,把蘋果搖到一棵不剩。在靜止的環境中,那些蘋果一顆顆搥打著地面。結束時,一種陰魂不散的靜謐包圍住我。我環顧四下,不見任何人影。我獨自一人。我在一個荒廢的洗衣間裡渴水,但那是稍後的事了。

2012年7月18日 星期三

No Ordinary Joe - SLAM

by Evin Demirel | portraits Ahmed Klink
He’s the very definition of a big fish in a small pond.
Grown men bounce off 6-7, 240-pound Joe Johnson on a hot, humid June day in downtown Little Rock. One skinny 6-3 guy ricochets off Johnson as he corrals a rebound and barely jumps to lay it through the hoop of a collapsible goal. No whistle from the ref, as the courtside announcer yells: “This is a big boy game!” You can almost imagine Bill Clinton, who catches some of the action from his penthouse apartment in the nearby presidential center named in his honor, nodding in agreement.
For the last two summers, Nets guard Joe Johnson has been the honorary chairman of his hometown’s Hoop Jams 3-on-3 Tournament. During the event, though, there’s about as much chance of finding him sitting in a chair as seeing him rocking a Boston Celtics Tam o’Shanter at a Toby Keith concert. Johnson, a six-time All-Star, has insisted on playing in the top division of his own tournament with a team of three childhood friends. “I’m too passionate. I just can’t go out there and watch them guys play, because I want to play,” he says. “Not only am I hosting this tournament, but I’m gonna win it as long as I’m hosting it.”
So far, so good. Johnson’s Team Jordan—which includes Carl Vault, Brandon Greenwood and Patrick Walker—is 8-0 over the last two years. It’s easy to understand how a player of JJ’s caliber can trounce opponents who played at the likes of University of West Alabama and Arkansas-Little Rock, even while giving 70 percent effort. What’s more perplexing is why a $124-million man would risk even the slightest injury as one of the few—only, as far as he knows—modern NBA players participating in his own summer tournament.
The first answer is simple: Johnson loves the game and likes sharing it with fellow Arkansans. When his uncle Tracy Johnson, who helped raise Joe, told him the Clinton Foundation wanted him on board before the inaugural 2011 event, Johnson didn’t hesitate. “I immediately jumped on it. I wanted to make it an annual thing, to come out and have things for kids to do.”
Johnson also wants to help Arkansas Baptist College, which along with the non-profit Clinton Foundation, receives some of Hoop Jams’ proceeds. Tracy Johnson attended the Little Rock college and often took his young nephew to its basketball games. As a child, Johnson also frequented its gym to play Vault, losing each time. The breakthrough didn’t happen until Johnson began attending nearby Dunbar Junior High in ’93.
This brings us to perhaps the most important reason Johnson lends his name, and game, to the Hoop Jams fundraiser. In 1993, a darkness enveloped whole communities within Little Rock, nearly bringing them to their knees. It’s taken two decades, but these communities are regaining balance. Given this, Johnson has a chance at an assist much greater than the 3,480 he’s so far accumulated in the NBA, for a turnaround resonating far longer than anything he could have accomplished on the court as the Atlanta Hawks’ former cornerstone. Or, for that matter, any best-case scenario with the Brooklyn franchise he joined in a July 11 trade.
“Unless we do what the old African proverb says—it takes a village to raise a child—unless we as a society start doing that, we could hire all the cops and build all the prisons in the world, and as long as somebody’s hungry and hopeless, they’re also dangerous.”—Former Pulaski County Coroner Steve Nawojczyk, Gang War: Bangin’ in Little Rock
For a sickening while, the downtown neighborhood Johnson spent his early teen years in might have been the nation’s most dangerous. By ’93, a 20-block radius around his future alma mater Little Rock Central High had essentially become a war zone as clashing gang factions staked out territory. The cost was high: murders spiked to 76, more than double the numbers seen only three years before. With 177,000 people, Little Rock had a higher per capita homicide rate than some of the cities from which its original gangsters and drug traders had arrived in the late 80s—places like New York, Chicago and especially Los Angeles. They found a city with relatively lax gun laws and a new market for crack cocaine.
“L.A. Moe” arrived in ’87 and was credited with forming the area’s first Crip affiliate gang, according to the documentary Gang War: Bangin’ in Little Rock. “It’s a little L.A. out here now,” he said in the ’94 film. “When I first got here, it was real country. They would fight on weekends, but they’d be friends again that coming Monday. Now they don’t fight no more. They just go there and shoot.”
Residents slept in cast-iron bathtubs for fear of catching stray bullets from a drive-by. One of the film’s most harrowing interviews takes place in Centennial Park, a few blocks west of Arkansas Baptist College. Seventeen-year-old Bobby Banks, already the leader of a local Crip gang, lauds his lifestyle while sitting on a swing. He claims to own a home, three cars and plenty of cash. Banks’ supreme confidence was the exception. As rural Southerners, Arkansans had long dealt with disadvantages that consistently put them at the bottom of national income and education rankings. But the 80s brought a new layer of problems, mostly urban, to deal with. Many of Little Rock’s young black males, already grappling with poverty and increasingly broken homes, felt trapped and frustrated.
Even in elementary school, Joe Johnson saw another option. Compared to many children growing up in the “war zone,” he had a few advantages: a safer home neighborhood and a tight-knit family including his uncles and mother, Dianne Johnson. Still, violence touched Joe. He was shocked one evening when his mother returned home from her stint as a state psychiatric hospital nurse, fresh stitches in the side of her head. A patient had gone on a rage, grabbed a chair and attacked her and some colleagues. She was hit above her ear. “I was heartbroken,” Johnson says. “I never wanted to see her hurt in any fashion…I didn’t want her to work there but I understood that she had to do whatever it took to get the bills paid.”
By junior high, Johnson decided his calling was basketball, and he knew staying focused on it would help him navigate the land mines lurking outside Dunbar’s walls. Even on the weekends, he says, “I stayed in the gym.”
After school, he and his friends sometimes walked a couple blocks to the west, toward Arkansas Baptist College, to grab cheeseburgers at the Wheels and Grills carwash. Young teenage gang members, some of whom Johnson had befriended, also frequented there. Especially at night, the trash-infested spot was a bane for police. There were robberies, assaults, stolen cars and drug possessions. Nobody tried to pull Johnson into that world, though. “My mindset was a lot different. I was inspired at a young age to try to be somebody, to try to be somebody special. Not only for myself, but for the likes of my mother, who worked so hard for me and her. I didn’t want her to have those worries.”
Thanks to Arkansas Baptist College, Wheels and Grills and its crime problems no longer exist. In its place stands a pristine carwash named Auto Baptism, a crown jewel of a community revitalization project in which ABC has taken a leading role. In ’07, the historically black college bought the property where Wheels and Grills stood, renovated the structure and turned it into a student-run business. Ten cents out of every dollar of profit is invested into a fund that allows ABC to continue buying some of the condemned and dilapidated properties surrounding its campus. It has bought nearly 30 boarded-up homes to renovate or tear down, says Larry Bone, the school’s former director of institutional advancement.
This proactive approach toward breeding grounds for crime has been part of the master plan of ABC president Fitz Hill since he assumed the post in ’06. By that time, violent crime had waned. Still, Dr. Hill strongly believed crime could be further reduced by attacking a key root: lack of education. With this correlation in mind, Hill has marketed Arkansas Baptist College as an inclusive institution geared at inner-city black men. ABC even welcomes high school dropouts and has developed classes covering study skills, personal finance, time management, interview skills and speech to help them succeed. Money made from Hoop Jams helps cover tuition costs for those who otherwise couldn’t afford it, Hill said.
In the last six years, ABC student enrollment rose from 287 to 1,193; total revenues increased from $2.5 million to more than $20.2 million. Hill and his team have nurtured ties to local companies, churches and government organizations to sustain the community revitalization project. Hill, a former Arkansas Razorback football coach, has also used his connections in the athletic world. Besides Johnson, other Hogs involved in Hoop Jams include Pat Bradley, Blake Eddins, Reggie Merritt and Anthony Lucas. Hill’s friend Mike Anderson, Arkansas’ head basketball coach, attends the event’s opening reception each year. He enjoys catching up with Johnson, one of his players from a previous assistant coaching stint at Arkansas. “I’m so proud of him,” Anderson says. “He has become a tremendous player, but I think he’s still a humble guy. It’s reflected in what he’s doing in the community.”
Johnson shows that desire through more than Hoop Jams. This summer, like in previous summers, he’s playing in a basketball league at the Dunbar Community Center. There, he often sees former Central High teammates like Jarrett Hart and Mark Green, guys who have invested in renovating homes in the area. Johnson has chipped in to clean up the area, too. He gave $60,000 to help renovate Central’s football field and wants to start the remake of Central’s decrepit gym. “I’m sure I’m gonna be a part of that,” he says.
Johnson has two faint tattoos on top of his wrists. Both are Hindi script, and together they translate to “Incredibly blessed,” he says on a Saturday evening outside Central High. It’s a place he still gets goosebumps while visiting. He knows much of his success stems from this neighborhood, where he got plenty of opportunity to discover and hone his unique gifts.
Opportunity itself is a gift, too. That’s why Johnson joined a team to provide it.
有些人空有理想,卻不知道如何生活
有些人從沒理想,卻很清楚應該怎過

前者比後者,差的層次太多了