Both an end and a start

If the time has to come, it has to come.

It is most probably a day which death stands the closest to me. In an indirect way.
That was when Mr. Cheung's funeral took place. The whole place was sucked up with regrets that could be felt, sorrow that could be tasted. Although it was already expected, it didn't mean I would become readily desensitized. I have my own feelings afterall, and it's the cruelty that impacted me the most.

For no reason, I want myself to bear in mind about this always so I have to write this down. I did glanced at Mr. Cheung. His ear was a little bit torn off, had a slightly swollen forehead, and the body part under his neck was totally covered up unlike the usual practices. This is pure cruelty. For such a great personality, mentor and artist, why should such a life end in this way? I know those empty talks of "Man can never control their fate", but it doesn't override the implication that "Life is always unfair". For a musician, his spirit and hearing are of ultimate importance; but what such a "fate" does is to take away both, seemingly making a joke at him. I know I'm totally irrationally at the moment, but why it is Mr. Cheung who passed away, but not those people who keep on wasting their lives on hkgolden or in daily practices?

The concept of "fear" has never come this close. In my past days, I thought I have a grasp of it, but now I know I don't. Fear for death is perhaps the greatest nightmare for my years to come. It may be Mr. Cheung who walks away first, or maybe, it will be me following his footsteps tomorrow (..touchwood). Life can be unimaginably brittle and invaluable at the same time. When one have much to cherish, it's hard to let go. The reason for me to fear now should be my love. With my gradual aging, my love for my partner, family, friends, hobbies - the worldly love to be exact - deepens a lot, and with death I can lose all of them at once. It's like for a split-second you felt into a well of emptiness where you're gonna stay forever, and that's horrible. Now I admit, I AM afraid of death.

Therefore, here's a reminder to self: Do take your time to love. There's no second opportunity to love once it passes by. When there's a flame, use them to bring the houses down; When there's a torch, share the wealth and lighten up the others. This is perhaps the last lesson given by Mr. Cheung - bear these in mind my man. Do not let Mr. Cheung down. Do not let yourself down.

"Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens." -- Carl G. Jung

Now I know, Mr. Cheung.
P.S. Never lose your devotion to harmonica. It is one of your most important companions growing up - like badminton. GOTTA PICK THEM BACK UP